What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What! how could you do that?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What was your first impression of The Carter V by Lil Wayne? Did it feel like 2008 Wayne, when you heard the first few songs.

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

What do you mean son?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

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What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Do you know what she said mum?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Why do flat earthers think using globetrotter, globetard, and other insults will make the educated arguer fall for the silly flat-earth belief?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

What are some ways to improve speed in sprinting, running uphill, and long/middle distance running?

True - how I loved my mum!

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

I’m 26 years old and a married woman. My husband hates my flat chest. What is the permanent solution?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”